Stop Those Spinning Plates: A Single Mom’s Guide to Relax, Refresh, and Release

A single mom’s accountabilities certainly do not end the minute work is over each day. You may have what seems like a jam-packed day's worth of odd jobs awaiting you at home—from cooking dinner to doing laundry to helping your child with homework. Granting these same commitments are faced by employed mothers who are married, a single mother has to face these responsibilities unaided, with­out the helping hand of a husband.

For that reason, many single mothers feel regularly pooped. They frequently feel spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally drained and find themselves shouting more at their children. As their children matriculate through adolescence and nor­mally become more opinionated and challenging of their parents' points of view, more quarrels may develop.

Here’s the kicker, unless single moms set aside some down time to rest and recover, they can experience burnout and depression, feeling miserable and abandoned about trying to convert their lives into something more controllable. Having a lit­tle emotional backing or help around the house from another adult can go a long way toward assisting you to cope. However, let’s face it.  You’re doing alone what was designed to be a two-person job. The fact that you often feel physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually worn out is not just your imagination, it is real. But because your kids depend on you, you can’t afford to push yourself past a certain point. You must take care of yourself and your health in order to be there for them.

Get in the habit of taking a personal timeout (PTO), even if you have to exchange child care with another single parent you trust to make it happen. Use this time to recharge, refresh, and rejuvenate in some ways that will linger even when the plate spinning kicks back in: with meditation, exercise, pampering, or good old-fashioned sleep. These are all quick and easy energy igniters. NEWSFLASH!!! It’s not selfish to preserve the engine that keeps your home running: YOU.

Regardless of what you choose, the important thing is not to turn your stress-busters into stress-creators! In other words, don’t judge your efforts, and don’t get caught up in trying to find the perfect setting or time. Bathrooms stalls, parked cars, or even your office chair, are all viable spaces to implement some quick and easy energy igniters. Just set aside one minute, stop the plates from spinning, choose your routine, and let yourself relax.

Jotina is no stranger to loss, failure, and hardship. Her story of losses and triumphs evokes change across the world. She is trained in mind mapping, positive psychology, visioning, and spiritual development. Her creative approaches to create change and produce sustainability are truly world class change agents. Check out www.jotinabuck.com for more details on her new book Change Your Language, Change Your Life: Discovering What You Can Say Differently Today to Change Your Tomorrow and for details on her Positive Parenting Workshops. For booking email info@jotinabuck.com. Be sure to follow on social media @jotinab. 

The Power of Positive Single Parenting: What’s Right with my Child?

Today’s single moms have to deal with many issues…busier schedules, new technologies, and ever-changing day-to-day challenges are just a few of the things that we, as single moms, have to address. Fortunately, many of the issues we face can be made easier with open communication. By intentionally building good communication practices, we can ensure that our family remains strong, even when things get tough. Most of us are guilty of expressing “what is wrong” with our children. The goal of message is to discuss the importance of sharing “what is right” with our children and how to make single parenting easier.

I want to share a story with you. I will never forget the day my daughter’s 1st grade teacher broke the news that she was struggling in reading to the point of needing a private tutor. Keep in mind she is a very bright child. I immediately jumped on my soapbox and started to shake my finger and fuss at my “best girl” as I affectionately call her. It wasn’t until her teacher stopped me in my tracks and said, “Ms. Buck, your daughter is brilliant and I know you have a standard for her but we don’t want squash who she is becoming by communicating poorly”. I immediately began crying in remorse and feelings of self-guilt. What I didn’t know at the time was my daughter suffered with a rare vision impairment, strabismus and nerve thinning, which hindered her reading. While some would say, “Jotina you’re a teacher in elementary education. This should be easy”. Reality check…it was one of the hardest moments of my life. I literally had to re-build her self-esteem and confidence through affirmations. I encouraged her every effort. We spent long hours in reading tutorials and ocular therapy. I allowed her to write affirmations about herself and prayed strong prayers daily. At this point, I was determined to see the best in her and do whatever to ensure learning ensued. I am proud to say she passed her 3rd grade STAAR test with Advanced Commendation in Reading. I quickly learned, effective communication coupled with maximum efforts will always yield optimal results.

 As single parents we must take time to cultivate effective communication because it can change the course of our children’s lives completely. Not only must we communicate effectively to our children, we must teach them to speak positive messages about themselves. As the author of Change Your Language, Change Your Life, I strive to emphasis the importance of positive communication and how it influences the life we live. It is all about perspective.

 We are going to look at Positive Single Parenting, some possible barriers and how to overcome them. I will share small everyday steps to making our children’s futures successful.

 What is positive parenting?

Believing children want to communicate with you, listening to your children, discussing what you want them to do, yielding nurture and support, being very clear about what you want them to do, setting clear limits and boundaries, being firm and consistent, giving the same message every time, viewing disagreements between parents and children as opportunities to develop problem-solving skills and modeling the expected behaviors.

Three Tips to Positive Parenting:

Communication
·      Engage in conversation with your children at all times, not only when he or she is in trouble. Keep an open line of communication which builds trust, strengthens the relationship, and enhances social relationships and societal relevance.
·      When we communicate effectively and listen to our children, we build caring relationships.
·      Positive communication also aid in the developmental process (i.e. healthier relationships, more caring, and more responsible).

Compliments
·      Much like adults, children love praise. By all means compliment your children whenever they do a good job, even with the smallest task.
·      Compliments foster confidence.

Consequences
·      Establish rules and boundaries ahead of time. This helps your child understand that they are not being treated unfairly or in an unjust manner.
·      Established consequences teach responsibility.

These simple tips can change the course of your life and single parenting altogether. Gradually implement them day by day and watch life-change unfold. Language plays a significant role in influencing our life and the real spirit of who we are. Your words have power. Choose them wisely, especially when shaping the lives of your children. What words are you using to enhance your parent-child relationship?

Jotina is no stranger to loss, failure, and hardship. Her story of losses and triumphs evokes change across the world. She is trained in mind mapping, positive psychology, visioning, and spiritual development. Her creative approaches to create change and produce sustainability are truly world class change agents. Check out www.jotinabuck.com for more details on her new book Change Your Language, Change Your Life: Discovering What You Can Say Differently Today to Change Your Tomorrow and for details on her Positive Parenting Workshops. For booking email info@jotinabuck.com. Be sure to follow on social media @jotinab.